Being 33 and knowing my 4.5 year relationship was coming to an end with a person I loved and enjoyed having in my life was very challenging for me. An emotional tug-of-war began. My ego didn't want to let go of the relationship even though, deep down, I knew it was done.
To be single again and face the reality of that new experience, at my age, was hard. I didn't want to give up the relationship’s identity or see him, happy, with a new woman. What if he found someone before I did? I would have to face all that heart break again seeing them out together or hearing about it through our mutual friends.
Feelings of fear, anger, resentment, and the projection of thoughts and situations made me feel ill, victimized and sad. Then I felt my heart saying, “Stop projecting these thoughts and made-up situations on him that are making you angry! You have nothing to be angry at him about. He has done nothing but treat you great. Focus on yourself and face the fear."
"There is a lesson in all of this and you can choose to perceive it in a negative or positive way. Think of the fun you had together and what you did for one another. Are you a better person because of this relationship? What can you do better in future relationships?" This all helped me release negativity and have faith that there was greatness to come for me.
In addition to self-talk, I had a meditation practice of sitting for 30 to 60 minutes everyday and conversing with the universe. It started with 30 days of short guided mediations followed by music, sitting, listening, and thanking the universe for watching over me, my life, family, and friends. Before long, I experienced visions, thoughts of positivity, and support.
I felt more patience, love, kindness and appreciation toward myself than ever before. A renewed and more peaceful me flowed into everyday life. I realized that in order to be a better person to anyone/anything else, I must first be better to myself. It all starts from within.
I have been very spiritual from a young age and believe in the power of thought. That thoughts are energy, energy has power, and energy is what makes life, right? My spiritualty has empowered me to step outside my 'safe box', be vulnerable and try something that challenges me. If it doesn't work, then I don’t re-do or re-live it expecting different results.
Prior to doing meditations, I felt frustrated, ridged and closed off and any compassion I was capable of having was completely locked up and stripped away. Now, with meditation and reflection, I identify denial, gain invaluable insight, and allow remorse to come out, causing me to be more compassionate.
Now in my life, I have learned that you can speak wisdom, share stories of pain with the hurting, listen, and be a friend, but some people only hear what they want and do what they want. You can use helping words, give loving thoughts and cry tears but until they decide to change, it won't happen. It takes the internal will of someone dedicated to bring change.
Many lessons came from this relationship challenge. One was knowing the power of the mind/ego. Another, greater lesson, was meditation. Even when life's busy, sitting quietly once a day for at least 30 minutes brought incredible insight. This entire experience brought self-love and the ability to express love, patience, empathy and kindness toward others.
If there was someone going through the same thing I did, I would have them be thankful for all their experiences, what they learned, and for all the people in their life. To visualize change in their life or work, getting clear about what they want. This is scary because of the fear of not receiving it and being disappointed.
When I did this for myself and became clear about exactly what I wanted, declaring it to the universe, all my desires were delivered on a silver platter. It gave me faith and trust in the unknown, understanding in the idea of divine timing, patience, and a belief in myself.
Editing provided by Melissa Talbot. Melissa is a blogger, writer and speaker whose life experience posts encourage, uplift and inspire others.